Attack on Mary Sue
by SecretlyAPoro
Summary: Wondering if your Oc's a Mary Sue? Or just wanna see another bashing of those overly perfect pricks? Then hop on a ridiculous and insane journey with Yamamoto Marianne Dia'mond Crystal Sapphire Tiara Sue, the queen of all Shingeki no Kyojin Mary Sues. WARNING: Mary Sue bashing. Wanna flame? DO IT HARD! T for language. Will continue. Accepting suggestions through PM. Please Review!


**Attack On Mary Sue**

**A/N: Hi hello I'm not dead. Wanna flame? Do it HARD. To those who have read the original prologue, I've deleted it. What's happening right now is I'll be writing this fanfiction like a legitimate story. All from the POV of Yamamoto Marianne Dia'mond Crystal Sapphire Tiara Sue. Revamped and more dramatic than ever before. *fireworks exploding in the background***

**Rated T for sensitive topics. Easily offended? Don't read.**

_A Mary Sue ( or sometimes just Sue ), in literary criticism and particularly in fan fiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking-Oh screw Wikipedia. A Mary Sue is a goddamn retarded bitch that is too good to be true, overly perfect, has a overly long, "unique" and hard to pronounce name, possesses multiple talents (while claiming to be "prodigious") and a "curvy/sizzling hot" body. A Mary Sue primarily functions as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader. A male version of a Mary sue is often dubbed as Marty Stu, Gary Stu, Larry Stu or similar names._

**Prologue: Birth of A Sue**

I am Yamamoto Marianne Dia'mond Crystal Sapphire Tiara Sue.

Since childhood I was always an outcast in my village. Oh please, who wouldn't hate a smart, prodigious, perfect person with multicolored rainbow hair like me? I mean, I'm pretty sure they're jealous because I actually travelled back in time from the future where it's possible to genetically program your child's hair colour and physique before your child is even born (My half vampire, half demon, half God, half werewolf, half banshee, half human, half leprechaun father and my mother who is a witch doctor, unicorn, pegasus, elf, fairy, orc, angel, potato who did it for me, love you dad and mom) resulting in my perfect E-cup bust, hourglass figure, tiny waist (so tiny that my legs can't even function but hey, it's worth it okay my body is fucking hot) and who can forget my _natural _rainbow-colored hair with a natural shine that acts as a spotlight wherever I go.

And my eyes, who can forget MY EYES! They're like, transparent (made out of magical glass that grants me the ability to shoot laser beams out of my eyes and also predict the future and also read minds and also x-ray vision which comes in handy whenever I want to see a guy without clothes on) with hints of fuchsia, chartreuse, azure, amber, lavender, jade and vermilion. Whenever I get pissed off, they turn blood red like the blood of my fallen enemies (we can talk about this later). Oh, how did I get these glasses eyes?

My parents gouged out my real eyes because they were jealous of my physique minutes after I was born. I was forced to live as a blind slave for them, luckily I met my Prince Charming, Levi Rivaille who crawled out of my computer screen while I was watching Attack on Titan. He gave me a pair of glass eyes that he stole from a merchant and since I am dragonkin, godkin, earthkin, witchkin, grasskin, cowkin, werewolfkin, angelkin, archangelkin, bansheekin, vampirekin, and demonkin I turned them into magical eyes!111! YaYAAAYAayYyay!111!11111!

Ok, and then I teleported into the SnK universe (OMG!) but then PLOT TWIST Levi didn't teleport me to the present time, but to the past!1111! and I was like reverted to my toddler size but my multikin blood I was able to defend myself by shooting laser beams out of my eyes and learning taekwondo, karate, judo, tai chi and a shit load of other martial arts because I just am that prodigious. And then guess whose village I was teleported to? Levi's! (Yeah ik Hajimo Isoyame said that Levi lives in the udderground with Isabel and Farlan, but due to my godkin powers I can bend the canon reality! HHAHAHAHAH)

Okay so me and Levi became childhood friends and I defended him from all the bullies and he learned martial arts and almost everything from me and that was how he caught the eye of Erwin and joined the Scouting Legion. (Isabel and Farlan don't exist XDDDDDDD) Erwin didn't care about me because I was a woman but I used my bansheekin powers to hypnotize me and let him put me in the same squad as Levi.

Levi learned everything from me including walking, talking, killing titans, being hot and sexy and even using the 3D Manoeuvre Gear. It took my three days to teach him that, phew! It was tiring! Isabel and Farlan got so jealous they eventually killed themselves to sacrifice their soul to Satan in order to get rid of me but guess what? I am Satankin as well so Satan couldn't do shit to me. And so Isabel and Farlan died in vain, poor souls.

Now, I am a secret agent for the Scouting Legion but I am also a antihero vigilante because that's what's trendy these days, am I right? I have a stone-cold stoic personality like a generic emotionless anime character and I'm proud. As if there aren't enough generic emotionless always smirking and scoffing and sneering anime characters and OCs already.

Today I go to bed early. Did I mention they gave a me a whole castle outside Wall Maria under the condition that I have to defend myself from the Titans? With my Titankin blood I can easily shapeshift into a Titan and chase them off myself. My Titan form is so hot even my butt and eyelashes have abs. And like, I have huge boobs that can shoot magical lasers as if my eye lasers aren't enough. And did I mention my epic demon wings? They're made out of the bones of Angels that died in the Great Demon VS Angel War… but that's another story.

Oh yeah, as I was saying I slept early today because I have an extra important mission tommorow :3 Guess what it is? Lol not telling you, find out next time!

**A/N: May the Lord cleanse my eyes from reading all this bullshit and cleanse my ahnds for typing all these cringeworthy paragraphs. Amen.**


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